


Migraines

by vocal_implant



Category: jacksepticeye
Genre: Almost smut, Body Dysphoria, But he's really good at it, Chest Binding, FTM, Guys there's boobs in this, M/M, Movie Night, Passing for Male, migraines, mostly angst tho, tattoo artist - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24289717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vocal_implant/pseuds/vocal_implant
Summary: Ryan has always had migraines and they haven't gotten better with age. Literally, this man is 30 and out of a days work for one. Anyways, he's out of pain killers and asks Sean to get some for him but after 10 years of friendship, his big secret it finally exposed to... just Sean. But a lot personal feelings are exposed.And, no, Evelien isn't in this because I fucking love her and don't have the heart to make her and Sean split up
Relationships: Sean McLoughlin/OMC
Kudos: 1





	Migraines

I laid on the couch with a massive headache. Where the fuck is Sean? He was supposed to be here an hour ago and he has my pain meds. I have neck tattoos, a piece across my collar bones, I have my shins and knees covered, and even the real estate on my ribs has ink but I am a pussy ass bitch for headaches. Funny how that works, there's not pain tolerance for your brain hurting. And when I get a migraine in the morning, I have to cancel sessions which means I'm down a day of work, sometimes two. I need to put a shirt on, we've been friends for so long but Sean I have never talked about it. I always brush of the KT tape on my chest as medical stuff but really I'm scared to talk to him. The closest we've ever gotten was Warped UK where he somehow convinced me to take off my shirt when we saw Attila. Back when his hair was green and I was going black. What the hell was wrong with me? I like my natural hair color. I have a nice cross between brown and ginger but not quite auburn. The black was so weird. Thank god that was just a phase. 

The door across the room opened making me move to get up and grab a shirt but my head throbbed and stopped me from moving at any speed.

"Hey, I'm so sorry," Sean quickly closed the door and ran in with a pack of Advil and plastic water bottle.

I ripped open the box and took 4 little red pills and swallowed then with the water as quickly as possible. 

"You good? Other than the migraine?" he sat down.

"Yeah, I've just felt paralyzed for the last three hours. Moving hurts more than thinking," I sighed. "So many design in my head but I can't draw them like this."

"Talk about it and I'll sketch," Sean rolled his eyes and took a piece of lines paper with a pencil.

"Okay, it's like your septiceye outro with the tank but a person in it. But more demonic features."

"Okay."

"You know like on Cloud City in the carbonite room with all the wiring and cords from the ceiling. Like that."

"Continue."

"Flooring is surrounded by little consoles and equipment and there like shadow people observing. Kinda like a lab. Okay, you know I'm shit at this."

"Yes, I know but you've lost too many good ideas to migraines. No more, I say, no more."

"I still don't know if I fucking hate you or fucking love you."

"Same over here. Also, once you aren't dying, can we talk?"

"Sure, I'm too drained to say no."

"Ryan."

"We can talk, as the constantly drained of energy bros, come on, you know me."

"Tinnitus and migraines are incredibly different. I can work with tinnitus, you can barely move with some of your migraines."

"Yeah but you also can't fall asleep with any amount of ease because of it."

"Alright, you got me there."

"Okay, I know it's 1 in the afternoon but I'm gonna go make some dirty bean water. Would you like a cup?"

"You're slowly going blind, aren't you?" he pushed a cup of Starbucks towards me.

"I would call you deaf but you're my goddamn savior and I've decided I love you today," I grabbed the cup and downed the dark liquid.

Black coffee is a beautiful thing. Even when it's cold, it's amazing. I kept attempting to describe my ideas to Sean as he was able to come out with something close enough to my visions. I ended up wearing his hoodie since I didn't want to get up and Sean insisted I was probably cold. I could tell he finally wanted to address the blatantly obvious, black tape on my chest. 

"Alright let's talk and I think I know what about," I managed to stabilize well enough to crack my neck and shoulder without too much pain.

"So we've been friends for almost 10 years and we've never discussed your 'medical reasons'. I'd like to know what's up. I don't want to pry into your comfort but I care for you. Honestly, I'm worried," Sean sighed.

I didn't respond and took of the black hoodie of his and stood up. I need to be confident and Sean is just the first step. I bit my lip as I pulled away the tape once the weight began to take hold and I removed the band-aids that protected my nipples. God, this was a horrible idea.

"I always had a small chest but boobs are boobs," I wiped away a stray tear from my face.

"Ry," Sean pulled me into a hug.

I cried against his shoulder. Holding on in my fear he would leave.

"Hey, you know me. This changes absolutely nothing between us. You're one of my best friends and you know what? Who gives a shit if you're trans. Certainly not me. I love and support you, not matter what."

Sean moved to the couch to sit down, still holding on to me.

"You know something funny? I noticed when you lost a bunch of weight those few years. Now I see why. Not even just to make you feel better, you pass so well. I think the only way I realized you had breasts was your nipples but even then, you look so good."

"Thank you for not leaving," I was able to calm down a bit.

"Don't thank me, I don't know why I would," Sean ran his finger up and down my side soothingly. 

His hand moved up over my chest before let out a moan.

"I'm sorry," Sean quickly removed his hand.

"No, it's fine, it's just sensitive."

"You do always seem a bit touch-deprived," his hand returned to my body. 

He was gentle in stroking my chest. I felt good but I didn't know how to react.

"You always talked about wanting to get you nipples pierced. Think you will at some point?"

"Maybe. I've been planning on getting surgery first but the best place I can get it is Germany."

"Would you mind if I came with? I've always wanted to vacation there."

"Go right ahead-" I took in a sharp breath as he lightly brushed my nipple.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, it- it feels good," I tried to relax.

Sean gave a slight nod, a light smile on his lips as he continued to touch me. His hand moved down my abdomen, running circles over my abs. His finger returned to my chest, purposefully exerting a light pressure on my areola. Sean tilted my chin up and took me into a kiss. I fell more into his touch, basking in the feeling of his skin on mine. Sean took in a breath and lifted me. I held on as he carried me to my room. His kisses were gentle, being a sort of comfort.

"Sean, wait, I don't have anything," I stopped him, still in a bit of a daze.

"I can be careful if you want to continue. We'll do this at your pace," he nodded, laying me down.

He removed his shirt and laid down next to me. Sean kissed at my neck and slowly moved down. His beard would lightly scrape at my skin but the feeling wasn't unwelcome. A hand moved up, cupping my face and kissing me. I held onto his chest. His arms wrapped around me. My mind finally stabilized between my migraine and what ever just happened. Sean ran his fingers through my hair. I slowly got up but gave him light kiss and grabbed a tank top. 

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Good, I feel really good," I sighed. "Can I ask you what happened?"

"I honestly don't know," Sean sat on the edge of the bed. "I just had this feeling. I knew I was making you feel good and then I just kinda lit me off. I'm sorry if-"

"No more apologies. You said sorry for coming super late and that's all you have to apologize for. But even if you did that for me, why did you kiss me?"

His collar bone and cheeks flushed a pale pink as he picked up his shirt, "Since we met in college the first time, I had this attraction to you. Me being a nice little Catholic boy at the time, I was so afraid. You were another man and I was confused and honestly not even afraid of what my family would say but what you would say. To this day I'm still insecure about my sexuality. It's always been fear that holds me back from so much. I always just bit my tongue when you were with Juliet but it wasn't until you starting dating Arlo that I had that anxiety. He was so perfect, friendly to everyone, not too bad looking either. I knew I would never amount to anything about him. I felt like if I would ever get to kiss you, it would be now or never. Even if it may be at the cost of our friendship."

I walked over to Sean and embraced him, breathing in his scent.

"Ry, I'd like to ask you out. You and me. Dinner or something? Probably not tonight," he seemed nervous. 

I hadn't seen Sean this flustered in easily seven years. Sure we had our time apart before coming back into contact but he'd really matured in those few years. Sure we 'checked in' on each other's careers but we were such different people. Maybe that insecure Catholic boy I knew in college is a little more prominent in Sean's personality then either of us expected. 

"Yeah, I'd like that but definitely not tonight."

"Movie then?"

"Sure but don't you have work or something?"

"I was supposed to edit but I'll do it tomorrow."

"You sure?"

"Of course, I can upload one video and then be back to two the next day. It's not the end of the world. You're more important than work."

More and more memories from those days came back to me when we would choose hanging out with friends over homework. The same reasoning of 'my friends are more important to me'.

"Do you still pray sometime?" I asked Sean, sitting next him.

"Not really. Once a year at the most, maybe? Even then I'll wake up and face reality for what it is. I doubt prayer would save me and I swear enough to damn a whole town. Why do you ask?"

"Thinking about you when we first met. You used to be so pure now you're, well, you."

"You mind if I know your dead name?"

"It was Sarah. Ryan always sounded so smooth to me so that's what I chose."

"You look like a Ryan. I'm still amazed you hid all that so well especially for so long. Like I said, this changes nothing. It just adds a new layer to your identity."

I nodded as Sean wrapped an arm over my shoulder. He lightly kissed my cheek before getting back up.

"So what movie, I know you're a hardcore cinephile and you know the best."

"Well, what are you in the mood for? Horror, comedy, both, Harrison Ford movies?"

"Mh, how about Wall-E?"

"You mean the best robot movie ever?"

"Yes."

"Fuck yeah."

Sean smiled and nodded as I finally got up. My headache was still there but not near as bad when I went to sit on the couch while Sean grabbed a blanket and threw itover my legs.

"Wanna borrow a pair of pants?"

"Sure, if you don't mind."

"Top drawer of many vanity."

Sean disappeared before returning in a pair of Pulse Percussion pants and laid next to me as the movie started.

Maybe having a migraine didn't completely ruin my day


End file.
